The first time I actually felt free of the fear of hell, I was surprised to see that my instinctive reaction was to open my heart to others. The consequences of fearing hell are in direct opposition to the message of the Gospel, at least in my life. "Oh," one might say, "it's not hell that's the problem, it's fear of hell"; but I find it difficult to separate the two. Once you accept the premise of conventional hell, if you truly believe it, it seems to me that your whole life would center on avoiding being sent there. I suspect most people who profess a belief in conventional hell play a mental game with themselves to avoid living life that way.

Because of the path my life has taken -- away from conventional Christianity -- I have come to question several things I was raised to believe and was too terrified to question. I still deal with fear, but not on the scale I once did. My view of "inspiration," as it applies to the Bible, changed first, I think; and I find myself unable to reconcile myself to Pauline theology. In fact, personal relationship with Jesus trumps everything else, even the Scriptures, for me. "How do you know you're not being deceived?" is an unanswerable question; and it applies as much to those who place their faith in the Bible as those who don't, because we always read through a filter.

I don't quarrel with those whose Christianity is conventional; indeed, I have the highest esteem for certain spiritual people who stayed within the lines. But each of us seems called to his or her own path. I liken it to Peter's call to walk on the water. When his eyes were on Jesus, he walked upon the sea; but when he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at where he was, he became afraid and began to sink. Jesus is the path. People who advocate for one religion over another are, I think, missing the point.