Very few people would consider me a Christian; I'm kind of like you, though I've retained a few more of the classic tenets of faith.

I've discovered, for me and my life, that personal experience is the scale I use to measure the reliability of doctrine -- and not my personal experience alone. Many Christians, I think, are reluctant to trust personal experience when it doesn't square with the Bible, or their understanding of it; but I think personal experience is a sine qua non of faith.

I'm not enough of a scholar to evaluate it, but an Orthodox theologian named Belousek has written a doorstop of a book on a theory of restorative justice rather than retributive justice.

On suffering: St. Catherine of Sienna, who reported having many conversations with Christ, said she was told that suffering produces patience, which in turn produces love. I think this is quite profound, actually. In addition, I think that substitutionary suffering is a charitable act that people can take on willingly; and, if you think of the purpose of life to spread love, it's hard to imagine a more pointed and effective method for doing that.

One of the words that those coming from a traditional Christian frame of reference must, I think, learn to redefine is "faith," which only incidentally deals with doctrine. Faith really means trust. And with this in mind, I must return to the simple way of St. Therese of Lisieux: trust and love, like a little child.

Fare well on your journey. Try not to go zooming off in all directions! Let ideas marinate for awhile, and pray for guidance and wisdom.