When I have held discussions touching this subject with trans people, it is they who have used the metaphor of "hate the sin, love the sinner," with scorn, in order to deride what I am saying. It was their way of saying that you cannot devalue a condition without devaluing the person who has it.

I am surprised by the suggestion that my reference to the metaphor, in this context, increases the tension you describe when the subject, thrust and intention of my essay are specifically directed to decrease that tension -- with reason, however, not ad hominem.

I have gone to great lengths to express the difference between objective normativity and subjective normativity. If heterosexuality is objectively normative, then homosexuality is objectively abnormative. I suspect your friend is one of those I described in the essay, who cannot separate the two, who reads moral judgment into any diminishment of homosexuality, treating criticism of the condition as criticism of the person who has it. Alternatively, or perhaps additionally, he may be reacting to social implications he sees in any criticism of homosexuality, objective or not.

Whether disabilities in homosexuality are great or few is not germane to the point of whether it is abnormative; if they exist at all, they establish its abnormativity.

I hope this addresses your friend's concerns.